A certain few tokens of mine like to discuss the various ways to best please a man sexually.  There is no one answer to this question; but, as a constant, you have to relax and have an open mind.

I find that most women limit themselves to previous experiences and advice from their favorite magazine.  It’s really a human problem more than a female problem.  Unfortunately, as we get older, we have to work harder to think differently and change our ways.

Whether it’s a new guy you’re trying or if you’re trying to jump-start your long-term relationships, men want women that know what they’re doing in the sack.  So, put some effort into you search.  Drop the Cosmo or Glamour.   As you’ve seen from my previous Mag Busters, they don’t always give the best advice when it comes to dealing with men.  Look for some new ideas in places where men look such as Playboy or Google “weird sexual positions” and see what you find.

Missionary, doggie or a little ride are all fun; but try mixing it up with something new like “Legs Wide” to bring your sexual experience to new heights.  After watching the video, try some new things.  I’d love to hear what you like and what you don’t.

Culprit: Cosmo – November 2008 Issue Page: 44

Cosomo consults “relationship expert” Dr. Arlene Krieger, PhD about the times you shouldn’t be texting a guy.

#2: When you’re drunk. “…it’s up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message – especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP.  ‘Being too available lets a guy know he has all the leverage,’ Krieger says.”

J’s Take…If the text is about sex, I’m calling BS on that one.  It’s up to you to control what the relationship is.  If it’s 2AM and you want some, then you go get you some.   In my vast experience, this is one of the few formats that women will verbally express the things that they really want to do to you (drunk or sober); and that is a huge turn-on!

Don’t get caught up in leverage.  Those are things college girls worry about.  You’re adults.  If you both want some, then you’re both getting what you want.  The arrangement is what it is.  It’s an even exchange for…mmmm…goods.

BTW, if you need a guard against drunk emails, here is my post to a helpful tool.

I was at a mall in Buckhead with my friend Jessica yesterday.  She made a snide comment about another girl walking by, so I jokingly mentioned that she was a herder.  She initially got a little intense because I was stereotyping her even though she had no clue what I was talking about.

“What’s it mean?” she asked with a sarcastic grin.
“Why do you always ask me to go shopping with you?” I asked.
“Answer me first.”
“I will.  My question is part of it.  So, why do you always ask me to go shopping with you?”
“You always tell me what you really think.  My friends just tell me what I want to hear,” she quickly responded anxious to hear my answer.
“Exactly.  Largely, you are all loyal and vicious.”  Before she could respond, I asked, “Remember Nicole?”  Nicole was a girl I had two dates with on a fix-up.  Nicole and I agreed on a group date over drinks and appetizers.  So I asked Jessica to bring a date.  Nicole brought her friends Trista and Julie.
“Yes, I remember her…nice ass, big boobs, big nose.”
“Yeah, her,” I responded quickly so as not to get off the subject.  “You didn’t know her or her friend for 5 minutes and when they got up to go to the bathroom you followed the 3 of them like it was your duty.”

Our conversation continued to something pointless, but I think it’s important for women to be aware that they are herders.

I think it’s the biggest strength and weakness of most women.  It is also one of the biggest causes for miscommunication in relationships.

As I mentioned to Jessica, women are loyal and vicious.  If they’re your friends, they’ll be your biggest supporters regardless of the circumstance and this is fantastic.  However, the flaw is that they’ll support you even when you may need a little checking.  This can often lead to an increased fuel when arguing with your man or maybe even another friend.  If that happens, we (men) are left feeling very confused and aggravated because of an unresolved situation.

Now, clothing is not too serious.  However, imagine getting advice like that from two of your girlfriends and then unleashing that on your unsuspecting man.  It can cause a great deal of unnecessary drama.

The Point: Another friend of mine recently had a big fight with her fiancée.  After she rehashed the story for me, she realized that she had gone too far because she was riled up from her friends.  I agreed with her that her fiancée was wrong, but she should’ve discussed her feeling first instead of attacking him.

Culprit: Cosmo – Vol. 245, No. 4, (AKA October 2008 Issue); Page: 152

Cosmo discusses some of the various things that may be wrong if your sex life has decreased in your long-term relationship.  They give 5 reasons that he may not want you as much, which are: he’s stressed out, he’s pissed of at you, he’s freaked out about commitment, he’s worried about his sack skills and he wants to break up.  These are a handful of many good reasons that could cause the sex decline.

Cosmo also lists bogus excuses to watch out for, and that’s where I take issue with the popular magazine.  One excuse was, “I have a big day at work tomorrow and need to rest.”  They claim this is bogus because climaxing will clear his mind and help him sleep.

J’s advice…Cut Him Some Slack. Unless your man is still in college, he will be fully aware of the tension relief provided by sex; however, when he’s wound up from stress due to work, it causes anxiety about performance.  Sex is not always one of the ways that he will want to get this out because, assuming he’s a driven professional, he will only feel better when he accomplishes something.  That’s why he may ditch you to go do something active and measurable such as getting more reps out his workout routine.  So, don’t be too quick to discount this excuse.

Whew! Glad, I got to the scene before you jumped to a conclusion.

Continued from Mental Cheating Part 1…

Ryan apparently knew everyone at the table as everyone as shaking hands with him, but the mood became so thick you could cut it with a blade.  Saul was just kind of staring at his beer. Dan acted real friendly and gave up his chair to Ryan.  If we’d been inside, the room would’ve felt suffocating to me.  Everyone just got tight.  At first, I was fine because I was oblivious to the happenings.  I definitely needed to hear this story.

Story

“You want to go with me to the bar to get a drink,” I said trying to seem casual like I really needed one.
“Sure,” she smiled and got up.  I pulled my chair back so she could walk in front of me.  As I turned to walk away, Sarah shot me a face with a half-smile.

I walked to the bar behind Anna…holy crap, she has a nice ass.  It’s always fun dancing with her because she only dances after drinking and she’ll let me brush across it without thought!!

As we arrived at the bar, “I’ll have a Guinness and—.  What would you like?”

“Dirty martini with Ketel!!” she shouted across the bar standing on her toes.  She’s a package of cute and hot all-in-one!

I turned my back to the bar and looked at her, “So what the hell happened over there?”

She ignored my question, grabbed my shoulders and turned me to the right, “Here, that’s better,” she grinned.

“Do you feel better when you face south?” I said sarcastically acting as if I had compass in my head.

She laughed.  “No, remember Greg?” She said sternly.

“Greg, Greg, Greg,” I repeated as if I didn’t know who he was.  “Oh yeah! The guy you—“ she threw her hand over my mouth.  “The guy you let take you and—“ she kept trying to cover my mouth as I muttered more words through.  We probably looked very obnoxious to everyone.

“Here drink your foamy beer and hush,” she said.

“So, what happened over there?” I asked again taking a sip of my fresh beer.

“Where do I begin?  You see Sarah and Ryan have been have been dating for about three years.”

“Oh, crap! Really?” I paused for a second…Anna nodded and I took a swig.  “I never would have guessed that.  Ryan doesn’t have a clue about Dan.”

“Well, they’re all in the same group, so he doesn’t really think about it I don’t think.  Sarah and Ryan are so comfortable with one another; but she definitely acts more flirty with Dan.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Four months or so,” Anna began to describe a few instances to me.

“Don’t ever leave those two alone,” I joked.

“They’ve been alone before, but nothing has happened.”  I gave her an unbelieving look.  “No, they haven’t.  She would tell me.”

I’m always surprised how well women claim to know their best friends.  Things they’re ashamed of don’t always come out easily. For now, I have to take Anna’s word for it.  I bet something did happen though, and I will report if I find out anything.

What are your thoughts though?  Does this constitute cheating?

My friend Nirali got caught up in a tizzy with her boyfriend over the weekend.  Apparently, it was one of those fights that start out about one thing and then lead to about nine other things.

The typical cause of this is the girl saying too much and the guy saying too little.  Girl gets inflamed with guy because he’s not talking which leads her to say things she really doesn’t mean.  All girls do it…some to more of an extent than others.  I dated one girl in college that I swear she just got off on it in some weird way.  We always had make-up sex…now that I think about it that’s all the sex we had that last month or two.

Anyway, the gist of the fight is that she got into an argument at work with a female coworker; and when she came home to bitch about it, he offered advice.  This was a big mistake on his part.  I wasn’t there, but I’m assuming that she got defensive about it as thought she had to plead her case to him…the more he responded, the more infuriated she became.

I learned long ago that when women are upset with anything…just listen.  Don’t offer advice.  I realized that women herd, so they’re used to people listening and consoling.  If I’m walking down the street with a girl and she breaks a nail…the correct response is, “I’m sorry.  It’ll be ok.”