Culprit: Cosmo – November 2008 Issue Page: 108

This month Cosmo provides you with 75 “sex moves” to create a fire.  After reading this article, I became sexually un-aroused.  I’m not going to tackle all 75 because they give me a headache, but here are 2 that made me think, “This is just wrong.”

#1 “Have a naughty-movie marathon. Rent a bunch of flicks with famously steamy sex scenes.  How you could you not get inspired?”

J’s Take…This is #1!! Each sentence in this one has a problem.  First, the use of naughty-movies is a problem.  I am not old enough to ever have read Look Magazine, but imagine that this is how they described sex in the 1950s.   Second, rent a bunch of flicks…is your goal to have some hot sex or to bond over movies and popcorn? Finally, the last question should be, “If you’re still awake and can get him up, do you think you will be energetic enough to have sex?”   Better advice…use a porn for background noise or watch a movie such as Disclosure with a hot sex scene and jump him immediately as it turns you on (forget about the other 10 movies you rented) or make your own movie!  Or, you could do all 3!!

#28 “When out at a party, lean your back against him so it looks like you’re just affectionately resting your body.  Then subtly grind your butt into his package instead.”

J’s Take…Oh, Cosmo! You’re so naughty!  I don’t know how you suggest such taboo things and get away with it in the mainstream.  Seriously, my girlfriend did this to me when I was 13 at homecoming.  Feel free to implement the technique, but I wouldn’t expect fireworks to go off, as the magazine would have you believe.

There are at least 40 other bad ideas in the one article.  I will probably tackle them in increments over the cumming year.  Sorry Cosmo, I meant “coming.”  Stay tuned!

A certain few tokens of mine like to discuss the various ways to best please a man sexually.  There is no one answer to this question; but, as a constant, you have to relax and have an open mind.

I find that most women limit themselves to previous experiences and advice from their favorite magazine.  It’s really a human problem more than a female problem.  Unfortunately, as we get older, we have to work harder to think differently and change our ways.

Whether it’s a new guy you’re trying or if you’re trying to jump-start your long-term relationships, men want women that know what they’re doing in the sack.  So, put some effort into you search.  Drop the Cosmo or Glamour.   As you’ve seen from my previous Mag Busters, they don’t always give the best advice when it comes to dealing with men.  Look for some new ideas in places where men look such as Playboy or Google “weird sexual positions” and see what you find.

Missionary, doggie or a little ride are all fun; but try mixing it up with something new like “Legs Wide” to bring your sexual experience to new heights.  After watching the video, try some new things.  I’d love to hear what you like and what you don’t.

Culprit: Cosmo – November 2008 Issue Page: 44

Cosomo consults “relationship expert” Dr. Arlene Krieger, PhD about the times you shouldn’t be texting a guy.

#2: When you’re drunk. “…it’s up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message – especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP.  ‘Being too available lets a guy know he has all the leverage,’ Krieger says.”

J’s Take…If the text is about sex, I’m calling BS on that one.  It’s up to you to control what the relationship is.  If it’s 2AM and you want some, then you go get you some.   In my vast experience, this is one of the few formats that women will verbally express the things that they really want to do to you (drunk or sober); and that is a huge turn-on!

Don’t get caught up in leverage.  Those are things college girls worry about.  You’re adults.  If you both want some, then you’re both getting what you want.  The arrangement is what it is.  It’s an even exchange for…mmmm…goods.

BTW, if you need a guard against drunk emails, here is my post to a helpful tool.

…I kept going with my current sexual activities because I thought, “Maybe she’s just really emotional.  That’s good for sex, but not so good for a relationship.”

“Are you ok?” I asked with a heavy breath.
“Yeah,” she whimpered.  “I’m fine.  Don’t stop,” she screamed as she grabbed my butt.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No! Keep going!” she commanded as she pulled me back down to her.

I was freaked out at this point, and did the best thing I could think of to get out of the situation.   I faked it.  It’s not something I do hardly at all; but I had no idea what else to do without being rude.  My body kept moving with hers.  Finally, I let out a loud moan as she moved her hips around my waist.  I then quickly worked my way down below her waist and began to use my tongue.  She wouldn’t stop crying, and I just wanted it to end as soon as possible.  I concentrated on the job literally right in front of me, so I could make quick work of her.  After about 2 minutes down below, her body shot upright and her legs clamped tightly around my ears.  I know she was satisfied, but I had no idea what I had done wrong.  However, I quickly went to the bathroom to get rid of any evidence that I was a decent actor.

When I came back, we both lied there for a few minutes.  After telling her that I had to be up for 7, I asked if she wanted to stay or go.  She decided to stay, which was fine because I was going to sleep well except for the burning question in my mind.

“Just curious, but what did I do that made you cry?” I asked gently.
“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry about that,” she said somberly.
“It’s ok.  I wanted to know if I did something though,” I said with expectations of a response.
“Well, you see, I’m not exactly that experienced.  You see—,”
All I could think was, “Oh, Lord.  Is she a virgin?” I squinted my eyes expecting the worst.
“Remember how I told you I was divorced?”
“Yes,” I said thinking that I had just had sex with a still married woman.
“Well, he was the only guy I had ever had sex with and we were together for over 8 years.  I guess I wasn’t expecting to have that kind of reaction to you.  I hope I didn’t scare you.”
“No, no,” I responded.  I tried to hide the relief in my voice.

Not much else was said the rest of the night.  We both rolled over and went to bed.  I think she probably felt embarrassed.  I was flat out tired and had a big day ahead of me.

The rest of the week I kept wondering what makes girls so emotional when it comes to sex.  The only thing I can ever come up with is that there is just something about being entered by another person.  Actually, as I just wrote that, it seems to make more sense to me.  Still, she didn’t lose her virginity to me.  I’m sure she had sex with her ex a few thousand times over the 8-year period.  If any of my readers has any ideas about this situation, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I think eHarmony did a great job of finding two people that had great chemistry together, but I guess there are some things they can’t predict like sexual response.  I’m anxious to use them again though because I’d love to find sex that good again without the virgin tears.

Last week, I was in Chicago staying at one of my favorite properties inside the Loop.  On Tuesday night, I made plans to meet a woman named Sara that I had been talking to for awhile online.  I don’t do much online dating; but when I do, I usually take my time in meeting them in person, so I can measure how legit they are.  I actually found Sara on eHarmony.  The one thing that drew me to eHarmony was their personality test.  Those are always fun to take because they offer a glimpse of how others may see me.

Anyway, I had been talking to Sara for over a month, and we finally agreed to meet.  She works at a bar in the Gold Coast area of Chicago, and we both thought it would be a great idea for me to come to her bar and talk during her down times.  It was the perfect scenario for a first meeting.  The pressure was minimal as she was working, so I didn’t have to think of interesting things to say every second of the night.

The night went well.  The conversation was great, and I enjoyed watching her work the bar.  She was hotter than her pictures on eHarmony.  It kind of built up my own ego to watch other men flirting with her while she worked.  She had fantastic cleavage in the tight black tank top she wore, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her when she had to stretch to reach a bottle on a high shelf.  Needless to say, between the conversation and the body, I was revved up!  She was able to get out of her shift close to midnight.  Apparently, she had been feeling me too because she started kissing me in the cab and continued into the elevator (she stopped for a bit in the lobby).  The kissing was hot.  It was that brand of kissing that had been built up for a month based on conversations; and then when we saw each other, I think it took all we had not to jump over the bar.

Anyway, inside the bedroom, she was down to her sexy black thong in less than 5 minutes.  I think my clothes melted off when we walked into the door.  The foreplay was amazing and lasted a little over an hour.  I could tell we were both type “A” personalities because it was an ongoing struggle to see who would be in control.  I ultimately took the prize, but I think she let me win.  The first time I entered her, I was sitting up and she was straddling me.  But, that only lasted a few minutes before she put her arms around my neck and turned us both over.   I put one of her legs back by her shoulders and started to move in and out of her at varying speeds and motions.  At first, she responded really well to my talents; but then she surprised me, and I lost my groove.   After about 4 minutes of being top of her, she began to cry.  Yes, she began to cry.  At first, I wasn’t sure because it was dark, and I was a little tipsy; so, I put my lips down to her face.  Sure enough, there were little puddles of wetness caressing my lips.

I didn’t know what to do, so I….

Here’s Part 2!!

To add a little light and understand the thought process of men a little better, I thought I’d show you the “Cost of Sex” calculator.  I am not saying I agree with it…completely…but I understand how it can be frustrating for a guy.  If nothing else, this handy little calculator is fun to look at.  Have fun this weekend!!

Culprit: Cosmo – Vol. 245, No. 4, (AKA October 2008 Issue); Page: 152

Cosmo discusses some of the various things that may be wrong if your sex life has decreased in your long-term relationship.  They give 5 reasons that he may not want you as much, which are: he’s stressed out, he’s pissed of at you, he’s freaked out about commitment, he’s worried about his sack skills and he wants to break up.  These are a handful of many good reasons that could cause the sex decline.

Cosmo also lists bogus excuses to watch out for, and that’s where I take issue with the popular magazine.  One excuse was, “I have a big day at work tomorrow and need to rest.”  They claim this is bogus because climaxing will clear his mind and help him sleep.

J’s advice…Cut Him Some Slack. Unless your man is still in college, he will be fully aware of the tension relief provided by sex; however, when he’s wound up from stress due to work, it causes anxiety about performance.  Sex is not always one of the ways that he will want to get this out because, assuming he’s a driven professional, he will only feel better when he accomplishes something.  That’s why he may ditch you to go do something active and measurable such as getting more reps out his workout routine.  So, don’t be too quick to discount this excuse.

Whew! Glad, I got to the scene before you jumped to a conclusion.

Google Labs has released Mail Goggles.  It will help you avoid sending those late night drunk emails to your exes and FBs.  I’ve used Gmail for awhile now.  Email me your questions ;->.

Settings

Anyway, this reason alone should get you to convert to Gmail. You can set the times when you think you’re most vulnerable, and it will force you to answer a series of math questions.  It allows you to choose a level in case you get smarter as you drink more.  I put it on Level 3 for the picture below.  I had to think about these for a second while I was sober.

What are some of the ways you keep yourself from drunk dialing / txting / emailing?

I saw this post on Men’s Health about Monumental Sex.  I thought it was too good not to share with my readers.  One experience I feel she really left out was, “Your boy/girlfriend really doesn’t treat you right?”

Those are always fun!