Culprit: Cosmo – November 2008 Issue Page: 108

This month Cosmo provides you with 75 “sex moves” to create a fire.  After reading this article, I became sexually un-aroused.  I’m not going to tackle all 75 because they give me a headache, but here are 2 that made me think, “This is just wrong.”

#1 “Have a naughty-movie marathon. Rent a bunch of flicks with famously steamy sex scenes.  How you could you not get inspired?”

J’s Take…This is #1!! Each sentence in this one has a problem.  First, the use of naughty-movies is a problem.  I am not old enough to ever have read Look Magazine, but imagine that this is how they described sex in the 1950s.   Second, rent a bunch of flicks…is your goal to have some hot sex or to bond over movies and popcorn? Finally, the last question should be, “If you’re still awake and can get him up, do you think you will be energetic enough to have sex?”   Better advice…use a porn for background noise or watch a movie such as Disclosure with a hot sex scene and jump him immediately as it turns you on (forget about the other 10 movies you rented) or make your own movie!  Or, you could do all 3!!

#28 “When out at a party, lean your back against him so it looks like you’re just affectionately resting your body.  Then subtly grind your butt into his package instead.”

J’s Take…Oh, Cosmo! You’re so naughty!  I don’t know how you suggest such taboo things and get away with it in the mainstream.  Seriously, my girlfriend did this to me when I was 13 at homecoming.  Feel free to implement the technique, but I wouldn’t expect fireworks to go off, as the magazine would have you believe.

There are at least 40 other bad ideas in the one article.  I will probably tackle them in increments over the cumming year.  Sorry Cosmo, I meant “coming.”  Stay tuned!

Culprit: Cosmo – November 2008 Issue Page: 44

Cosomo consults “relationship expert” Dr. Arlene Krieger, PhD about the times you shouldn’t be texting a guy.

#2: When you’re drunk. “…it’s up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message – especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP.  ‘Being too available lets a guy know he has all the leverage,’ Krieger says.”

J’s Take…If the text is about sex, I’m calling BS on that one.  It’s up to you to control what the relationship is.  If it’s 2AM and you want some, then you go get you some.   In my vast experience, this is one of the few formats that women will verbally express the things that they really want to do to you (drunk or sober); and that is a huge turn-on!

Don’t get caught up in leverage.  Those are things college girls worry about.  You’re adults.  If you both want some, then you’re both getting what you want.  The arrangement is what it is.  It’s an even exchange for…mmmm…goods.

BTW, if you need a guard against drunk emails, here is my post to a helpful tool.

Culprit: Cosmo – Vol. 245, No. 4, (AKA October 2008 Issue); Page: 152

Cosmo discusses some of the various things that may be wrong if your sex life has decreased in your long-term relationship.  They give 5 reasons that he may not want you as much, which are: he’s stressed out, he’s pissed of at you, he’s freaked out about commitment, he’s worried about his sack skills and he wants to break up.  These are a handful of many good reasons that could cause the sex decline.

Cosmo also lists bogus excuses to watch out for, and that’s where I take issue with the popular magazine.  One excuse was, “I have a big day at work tomorrow and need to rest.”  They claim this is bogus because climaxing will clear his mind and help him sleep.

J’s advice…Cut Him Some Slack. Unless your man is still in college, he will be fully aware of the tension relief provided by sex; however, when he’s wound up from stress due to work, it causes anxiety about performance.  Sex is not always one of the ways that he will want to get this out because, assuming he’s a driven professional, he will only feel better when he accomplishes something.  That’s why he may ditch you to go do something active and measurable such as getting more reps out his workout routine.  So, don’t be too quick to discount this excuse.

Whew! Glad, I got to the scene before you jumped to a conclusion.

I will admit there is a much finer line when it comes to bitchiness in men versus women.  It’s not one of those things I can really explain nor do I have the energy to research it.  I just accept it like having to develop a taste for beer when I was 15.

In the October 2008 issue of Cosmo, they advise women how to be, “not bitchy enough, too bitchy or just bitchy enough.”  Obviously, their goal is to get you to the latter of the 3.  One situation they present is dealing with a friend that never puts up enough cash during group dinners.  Their advice to be just bitchy enough is to say something like, “I think you miscalculated what you owe, and I really can’t afford to cover anyone else’s dinner.”

J’s take…Be a Man!

When it comes to dinner and drinks, women are spoiled to the core.  I dated one woman who went out four nights a week making less than $30K per year.  I asked her how she afforded that lifestyle, and she explained that she only went to a few select bars and never paid more than $6!!!  I’ve pulled off good tabs before but nothing like that.

Point is that men don’t bicker over checks.  We just split the bill.  Sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind…it all evens out.  I’ve always been more attracted to women that do this because it shows me:

1) They try to resist petty bickering.
2) They know how to focus on the big picture.
3) They can take charge.

Those are the 3 vital qualities I need out of a girl.  When she has those, the communication process is so much easier.

J. Heartnett…helping improve social etiquette for everyone!  ;->

Cosmo mentions 15 things you can do to spice things up in your long-term relationship.  The loss of luster happens to every couple in some way…not always sex.  Sex is not always the definite barometer for the relationship despite what Sam would have you believe.

Here is a list 3 activities Cosmo recommends that wouldn’t make me happy:

1) Hang With a Different Crew…they mention, “inviting a few acquaintances out for a few appetizers…ask lots of questions about their lives and share details of yours, so you feel like you get to know them better.”  J’s take…a double date where me and other guy sit there quietly while you two gab.  If this works, you’re not dating a man; you’re dating a garden tool.

2) Dangerous Question: “If we hadn’t met, what do you think your life would be like right now?”  J’s take…sure, I’ll ask that and then right after we will discuss all the people we’ve had sex with.  This is a disaster question and makes men (and women) uncomfortable.

3) Cosmo’s List of Conversation Starters.  J’s take…you shouldn’t need a list of weird questions that force you into awkward conversations.  You know why you two are attracted to each other…talk about the things that you’re interested in.  If that’s not working anymore, then the relationship isn’t either.